Chasing Possible

I hate saying no.

I don’t even like the sound of “no thank you” though considerably more polite.

What’s ironic is that for years I’ve considered myself nowhere near being one of those yes-person types.  You know the ones who are involved in every single activity they can get their hands on and make it all appear as though sleep is overrated?  Like those women… who run a successful company and they’re on the board of directors for some really fantastic charity and they have four kids who all get straight A’s without a nanny, and they make their own cookies for the school bake sale?  You get the idea.

Quite frankly, I’ve always thought I was the exact opposite of those women - relaxed, balanced, relatively driven, but not to the point of exhaustion.  I’ve never been one to over-commit myself or my time to things that generally don’t fit into my schedule.  Instead I’ve discovered ways to build dedicated “me” time into my day - running, doing yoga, taking baths - whatever keeps me centered.  I haven’t been known to bite off more than I can chew (with the exception of my wedding of course, which was more out of necessity than it was a choice). 

However, the last three or four weeks have been a complete chaotic mess and so here I stand totally corrected, my bruised ego in one hand and my white flag of remorse in the other.

As it turns out, I never learned how to say no because I never had to.  Instead, I just never got involved.  Only recently did I resolve to get out of the house and extend my immediate circle to include group participation in various areas of interest.  However, now that I am in the midst of all this wonderful participation I realize that there are an endless number of committees, groups, boards, teams and volunteer activities available and I feel strangely compelled to say yes to them all!

Unfortunately, there is a lot of mental clutter that comes along with signing up for more things than one possibly has time for, no matter how innocent or well-intended the motive.  After having a meltdown in the kitchen last Thursday over something totally unrelated to the true origin of my tantrum, my husband very calmly pointed out (with his business manager hat on) that it’s possible I’m over-extending myself in terms of my time and commitments.  And the result of being so over-committed is that I have no time left to do what I set out to do - run a business and chase my dreams.

There seems to be a mysterious illusion that comes along with being a solopreneur, wherein my time doesn’t always seem like it matters in comparison with those who have “real” jobs.  (As if my days begin with eating bonbons and end with watching Oprah since I work from home.)  Having a flexible schedule somehow creates said mysterious illusion that I have an overabundance of time to give when the reality is, I don’t.  I’m hard at work trying to make something of myself.

This is especially true when working day in and day out on ideas that don’t have a obvious start and conclusion or when the day is spent making progress without any tangible results.

It seems that my sudden obsession with saying yes to things outside of my work parameter stems not from a desire to feel needed or wanted, but rather the deep-seated longing to feel like I’ve accomplished something.  I also know that I’m capable of doing the tasks that are asked of me so why shouldn’t I say yes?  Hence, everything that’s put in front of me sounds like a great idea and I gladly say yes until I am, not surprisingly, overwhelmed and buried at the hands of my to-do list.

The stubborn part of my brain hasn’t yet come to terms with letting go, although I recently heard a theory that if you don’t clear away some of the clutter in your life, the good things to come have no place to set up camp.  And since my focus of late has been attracting those good things, I’d better make sure there’s room.

Life is not about being Super Girl.  It’s about living with integrity and being able to keep your promises - to those around you and just as importantly, to yourself.

This is a tough lesson for me to learn.  Tough because I have to admit once again that I don’t know it all (I know… I was shocked too) and tough because I’ve had to swallow my pride and step back from some of the commitments I’ve made.

Nevertheless, I am thankful because having to sort through it all has forced me to determine my priorities.  It is far too easy to lose sight of what actually needs my attention and what doesn’t, but letting go has lifted a colossal burden and as luck would have it there appears a light at the end of the productivity tunnel.

Is there any clutter in your life that needs clearing?