Chasing Possible

I planned on writing all about the definition of confusion today… but I think I’ll save that post for a later date since my focus is elsewhere this afternoon.

Instead I’m going to spotlight the topic of faith.  Specifically, trusting that we can have all we want; without exception.

I’ve heard quite a bit of chatter lately about being intentional.  About creating a vision board and other concepts like it, a la THE SECRET.  And I don’t disagree with that notion; however I find it peculiar that nobody ever really addresses what is supposed to happen during the isolating time that appears after you’ve clearly stated your intention.  You know, the part where you’re patiently (or in my case, not so patiently) waiting for the result of said intention.

I understand logic as well as anyone and know that ideas and intentions take time to formulate and I also know that, even in this microwave society, it takes more than merely blinking to see things come to fruition.  I mean really, if everyone had the power to will a million dollar check into their mailbox without really having to work for it, then we’d all be rich and I for one, would not be writing this blog… I’d be in Fiji.

I’ve been taught the process of intention like this:  get clear about what you want; ask specifically for what you want; and then take action to move toward what you want… In that order.  At that point, things are ideally supposed to come to you in a myriad of ways, none of which you could have predicted.  It’s actually a really cool process to witness; when you’re in the right frame of mind.

Apparently, today is not one of those right-frame-of-mind kind of days for me.

I mentioned in my post Minding the Gap, that my husband and I are in the midst of selling our downtown condo in hopes of happily taking up residence in suburbia.  We’re both ready and anxious to make this happen for a number of reasons.  We’re in need of a bit more space (where we can invite more than two people at a time for dinner), a little bit more privacy (so our living room wall is not shared with someone else’s), and a lot more yard (100 square foot patio, anyone?).  However, we’re learning that making the decision to sell and move is one thing.  Being patient in the process is an entirely different story.  Oh, and did I mention that the real estate market is not exactly booming at the moment?

In our anticipation of moving and of finding a home that we can live in forever (oh, okay… so at least the next five years), nearly every weekend for the last four to five months has been consumed with house hunting.  We have endlessly searched for our dream house with all the dreamy features we could ever possibly hope for; setting our intention of course, on finding something better than amazing.

And we found the perfect house.

This house has EVERYTHING on our list.  Including some things that were too good to be true.  We knew for certain upon the first walk-through that this would be “our” house and we’ve pretty much been calling it that ever since.  We talk about it, we think about it, we verbally arrange furniture, and even drive by it every time we’re in the neighborhood (or within 5 miles of the neighborhood… which, come to think about it… is it possible to be arrested for stalking a residential dwelling?) 

In the meantime, we keep telling each other that being patient will surely pay off.  The timing is going to line up and the rest will be history… something to tell our children about.  Why, yes… we’ll sell our house; negotiate a great price on our new house and TAH-DAH!  Moving Day!  Tears!  Hugs!  Pictures of my husband giddily carrying me across the threshold!  Pop the champagne everyone and call the caterer because it’s time for a house warming party!  I think you get the idea.

Then today… out of nowhere… our plan was thwarted.  Someone else is buying our dream house.  We didn’t anticipate this part of the intentional process… the part where someone else swoops in before our house is sold and makes an offer before we can.

Now, if I were to put on my real estate hat for just a second and pretend that I was talking with a client of mine, I would ever so calmly remind them that if this house was meant to be, it will be.  And I would also assure them that everything happens for a reason because I know for a fact that it does.  And I would tell them that if this isn’t the house then the one they will end up buying will be much better by comparison.

But I’m not talking to my client, I’m talking to myself.  And I’m having a difficult time swallowing this one; which is why it’s even more critical for me right now to remember what it means to keep the faith.

Ironically, I was actually thinking about faith just yesterday.  Faith, by definition, is having confidence or trust in something you cannot see; a belief that is not based on proof.  My thoughts yesterday related more to my career than to my house (because I honestly felt a sense of peace about the whole house situation), but in retrospect the same theory applies.

It’s interesting to me when things like this happen because on one hand I have the ability to step outside of the situation and see things from a logical perspective.  I know without a doubt that things will work out exactly the way they’re supposed to.  However, it’s not always easy to see past the initial cloud of disappointment.  And instead of simply trusting that this too is a part of the master plan, I quickly sink into a doubt-filled abyss whereby I believe for a split second that the sky might actually fall.  I know… I know… it’s a bit dramatic.

Conversely, I am able to look backwards in my life and plainly see the areas in which my faith has served me well.  It seems that every time I let go of an ideal I get something even greater in return.  However, it is the letting go… the leaping… that is habitually my reason for pause.  Will it work this time?  I wonder.  Will I plummet without the safety net and regret having leapt in the first place?

Never once have I failed with faith as my parachute and yet I continue to question its validity.  Why?  Classic human nature?  Or an attraction to insanity?

See… it is in the leaping that we find out what we’re truly made of.  God doesn’t give us choices and push us out to the ledge only to let us tumble to our demise.  Rather, he asks us to trust that he’s got the big stuff already handled and that he heard our request.  And all we have to do is just let go.

That’s hard.

And so it goes… my heart says I know the answer.  My head insists on first having a debate until I finally exhaust my ability to over-analyze and finally just let go.

Wouldn’t it be easier to simply trust from the get-go?  And if I did… would the lapse in time between setting my intention and getting what I want be rapid by comparison?  Probably.  But even as complicated as I make it, I still know that this back-and-forth process by which I finally conclude that faith is my only option, is the very same process that makes the end result so sweet.

And so I leap… remembering that it’s not up to me to decide how I get to where I want to go… and as soon as I remember that, I cannot wait for the surprise of where I land.

Getting clear about things seems to be a consistent theme filtering through my life and the lives of those who’ve crossed my path lately.  Clarity is one of those elusive terms that are easy to use in general conversation, but difficult and somewhat daunting to achieve by comparison.

Example:  Ask yourself What do I want right now?

You’ll most likely respond with something directly related to what you’re doing at this very moment. You might tell yourself you want to get home because you’re stuck in traffic, or you want a cheeseburger because your stomach is growling or in my case, I want a pair of socks because my feet are cold.

However, when you broaden the spectrum and ask the same question as it relates to what you want out of life in general, the answers somehow become wrapped in confusion.

When I ask someone that I’m coaching, So what is it that you really want?; instead of a decided response I usually hear something to the effect of “I don’t know” or “I just want to be happy” or “I just want a job”.

See, if we’re only given the option of deciding on something simple that affects our immediate situation we can usually answer the question of what we want (i.e. socks) without doubt or hesitation, but when asked to step outside of that immediate realm of reality and get specific about something that seems far more important (like finding a job), we freeze.

As if we can have the simple stuff, but we’re not allowed to use that same logic for the stuff that really matters.  If someone told me I couldn’t get a pair of socks right now, I’d politely push them aside and march to my dresser anyway (by the way, I’ve already put on my socks… problem solved).  My point is, why don’t we do that when it matters?

There is this crazy belief that we can’t have it all so instead we just take what comes our way and we “deal” with it.  In that respect I think the recession we’re in is good for all of us.  Why not be forced to look at our current position in life with a fresh set of eyes?  How many situations would be different if there were people leading lives of clarity and direction all over the planet?

As human beings we have a propensity for living in reactionary mode based on the circumstances that surround us.  It’s just how we’re wired.  Deciding what to do next, based on what has already happened is fairly status quo and logically makes sense.  After all, aren’t the lessons we learn and the memories we create out of our past a large part of how we make decisions about our future?  Absolutely.

What I’m referring to though is more along the lines of choosing first and letting the rest of the details fall into place.  If I want a better job for instance, I might think about it and complain about it for a long time until one day something happens that forces me to make a decision one way or the other, like being laid off or being offered a position with another company.  Likewise, if I’m unemployed or seeking employment and my objective is to just get a job that comes with a paycheck (as is the plight of so many right now) my odds of finding that job with a paycheck are greater if I specifically know what I’m looking for.

It’s easier to allow ourselves to accept the misconception that having what we want is just a fairytale and is reserved only for the chosen few; or we might even consider that we can have what we want, but only within certain parameters (that we set by ourselves, of course).  Either way, somewhere deep down we subconsciously believe that admitting what you want is the equivalent of committing some serious crime that no one talks about at parties.  It’s almost an unwritten rule that you must keep it to yourself if you want something bigger than what you have (i.e. you’re selfish, it’s not attainable, get your head out of the clouds, etc.).

True those fears may be from a societal standpoint, but I still wish to challenge that thought process by asking what if? 

What if the way to lead an extraordinary life was to simply be clear about what we want in the first place?  At least then we’d know what we’re aiming for.

I’ve put this theory to work in my own life.  And though I consistently struggle against it (as is human nature), I know that when I personally get clear about something, things seem to magically fall into place.  I’ve landed jobs, sold cars, and found a mate (I kid you not) using clarity as my backdrop.  It’s not crazy to think big.  It’s only crazy NOT to.

So, what if… you dared ask the question about something that matters to you?

And, what if… you really meant the answer?

Aren’t you the least bit curious?

How incredible is the human spirit?

How marvelous our ability to experience excitement, heartache, joy, anxiety, doubt, and absolute harmony in what seems a single breath of time?

Every day of this week has been a new adventure in and of itself and as I sit here now reflecting on the week’s events, both high and low, I am quietly grateful that this is my life and my existence to contemplate.

What is true today will not be so tomorrow.  The world around us is in constant motion… changing who we are and what we know with every waking moment.  The steady movement, like a tender breeze carries with it the fragrance of new experience and the thrill of daring challenge and shapes our existence into what we know as truth.

Even so, it is our divine responsibility to ponder our good fortune as a reminder that life itself is a gift.  I am blessed today with a heightened awareness of that remarkable gift without want or desire of knowing what will unfold tomorrow.

There is a stillness that occurs when simply taking up residence in our own state of ‘being’.  No thought about what is left undone; no concern for the next five minutes.  Only a whisper of grace and gratitude that what is right now… is exactly what it should be.

How often do we take the time to simply breathe and soak up the goodness of being alive… of hearing the rhythm of our own heart’s beat?

How often we should.

I hate saying no.

I don’t even like the sound of “no thank you” though considerably more polite.

What’s ironic is that for years I’ve considered myself nowhere near being one of those yes-person types.  You know the ones who are involved in every single activity they can get their hands on and make it all appear as though sleep is overrated?  Like those women… who run a successful company and they’re on the board of directors for some really fantastic charity and they have four kids who all get straight A’s without a nanny, and they make their own cookies for the school bake sale?  You get the idea.

Quite frankly, I’ve always thought I was the exact opposite of those women - relaxed, balanced, relatively driven, but not to the point of exhaustion.  I’ve never been one to over-commit myself or my time to things that generally don’t fit into my schedule.  Instead I’ve discovered ways to build dedicated “me” time into my day - running, doing yoga, taking baths - whatever keeps me centered.  I haven’t been known to bite off more than I can chew (with the exception of my wedding of course, which was more out of necessity than it was a choice). 

However, the last three or four weeks have been a complete chaotic mess and so here I stand totally corrected, my bruised ego in one hand and my white flag of remorse in the other.

As it turns out, I never learned how to say no because I never had to.  Instead, I just never got involved.  Only recently did I resolve to get out of the house and extend my immediate circle to include group participation in various areas of interest.  However, now that I am in the midst of all this wonderful participation I realize that there are an endless number of committees, groups, boards, teams and volunteer activities available and I feel strangely compelled to say yes to them all!

Unfortunately, there is a lot of mental clutter that comes along with signing up for more things than one possibly has time for, no matter how innocent or well-intended the motive.  After having a meltdown in the kitchen last Thursday over something totally unrelated to the true origin of my tantrum, my husband very calmly pointed out (with his business manager hat on) that it’s possible I’m over-extending myself in terms of my time and commitments.  And the result of being so over-committed is that I have no time left to do what I set out to do - run a business and chase my dreams.

There seems to be a mysterious illusion that comes along with being a solopreneur, wherein my time doesn’t always seem like it matters in comparison with those who have “real” jobs.  (As if my days begin with eating bonbons and end with watching Oprah since I work from home.)  Having a flexible schedule somehow creates said mysterious illusion that I have an overabundance of time to give when the reality is, I don’t.  I’m hard at work trying to make something of myself.

This is especially true when working day in and day out on ideas that don’t have a obvious start and conclusion or when the day is spent making progress without any tangible results.

It seems that my sudden obsession with saying yes to things outside of my work parameter stems not from a desire to feel needed or wanted, but rather the deep-seated longing to feel like I’ve accomplished something.  I also know that I’m capable of doing the tasks that are asked of me so why shouldn’t I say yes?  Hence, everything that’s put in front of me sounds like a great idea and I gladly say yes until I am, not surprisingly, overwhelmed and buried at the hands of my to-do list.

The stubborn part of my brain hasn’t yet come to terms with letting go, although I recently heard a theory that if you don’t clear away some of the clutter in your life, the good things to come have no place to set up camp.  And since my focus of late has been attracting those good things, I’d better make sure there’s room.

Life is not about being Super Girl.  It’s about living with integrity and being able to keep your promises - to those around you and just as importantly, to yourself.

This is a tough lesson for me to learn.  Tough because I have to admit once again that I don’t know it all (I know… I was shocked too) and tough because I’ve had to swallow my pride and step back from some of the commitments I’ve made.

Nevertheless, I am thankful because having to sort through it all has forced me to determine my priorities.  It is far too easy to lose sight of what actually needs my attention and what doesn’t, but letting go has lifted a colossal burden and as luck would have it there appears a light at the end of the productivity tunnel.

Is there any clutter in your life that needs clearing?