
Some weeks for me are peppered with events and tasks that seem to have no meaning and no real effect on my life, while others are loaded with messages that are far too obvious to ignore.
This week was chock-full of the latter.
I made a conscious decision early on this week to focus my attention less on being productive and more on listening to the world around me. This was done for a number of reasons, most of which stem from not feeling well and suffering from insomnia. Sickness is a sure sign that my body needs rest and is frequently brought about when my mind is overloaded and could use a vacation also.
I gave myself permission at the onset of the week to just be. To feel what I wanted to feel (be it self-loathing, tired, sick, sad, good, fine, confused, frustrated, and occasionally even… happy) and to lighten my mental load with the constant reminder that the week was not intended to be productive. No matter what.
The challenge in this exercise has been to allow space and time to continue moving around me while gathering up the significant pieces of wisdom as they land in my lap.
And after neatly folding away my ego and locking the critical voices in the closet, I can say that this assignment was far more productive than any completed task list would have been.
When we tune in to our ability to listen, we gain far more knowledge than any book, show, or high-priced education could ever give us. And with that knowledge comes a certain sense of inexplicable peace.
Given that I tend to err on the side of over-achievement, it is especially satisfying for me to notice how much I actually learn when I let go of how things ought to be and instead allow simply existing to be an okay state of mind. In fact, I’m certain that my ambitions would sooner be realized if I could only retrain my mind to consider this as fact.
I have been reminded this week of many things, all of which have value; however, the following is my newly compiled list of rules I should remember to live by:
1. Don’t be afraid to lean on people when you need them most. This week I’ve had the good fortune of sharing conversation with a true walking miracle; have dined, laughed, and sought advice from some of the funniest, most intelligent women writers I know; I’ve discussed business, been given the gift of learning from a coaching client, and had a phone call with my mom who knows the value in listening as I sob about my trivial frustrations in life. I caught up with a long-distance friend about funny nightmare summer vacations and the joys (and trials) of parenting; and I’ve learned from my husband who is talented, intelligent, sensible and amazing beyond measure. I’ve also been touched by countless others who affected me with their hellos, their smiles, and their kindness, without even knowing they did. I say all of this to show that every single one of these people had an impact on me. Every one of them said something or did something that added sunshine and insight to my life that wasn’t there before and it took me being quiet to appreciate just how lucky I am.
2. Do the work. This is a tough one for me because I’m an idea girl. My mind continually swims with new… better… what if… and so on. but this message has resounded in almost every conversation I’ve had this week. Don’t think, just do. Make a disciplined effort. Write five minutes a day. Make one phone call. Put one foot in front of the other. It’s okay to glance at the big picture every now and again if necessary, but stop thinking about it and just get to work. There is no step two without a step one. Do step one.
3. Fully explore every opportunity. Even if it leads you down a dead end road. Even if you have to turn around and come back to step one, you’re still better off. You’ll never know the answer unless you check things out. Don’t be left wondering what might have been. Don’t worry if people think you’re crazy for going in a hundred different directions. Eventually, one of those opportunities is going to stick and when it does, you’ll be thankful for your time and effort.
4. The choice is ALWAYS yours. Let me repeat. The choice is ALWAYS yours. Being forced or bullied, or guilted into something sucks. But it sucks even worse when you wake up and realize that you allowed yourself to be forced, bullied or guilted into doing what it was you didn’t want to do. The same goes for stuff you do want to do… really. What’s stopping you? Did the excuse wagon pull up in front of your house and dump its load? No? Then make a choice.
5. The choice, though yours, is not always easy. Enough said.
6. Patience is a virtue. One of my all time least favorites. I actually heard a great summation of this one… you can’t plant your wheat one day and harvest it the next. This will take practice for me. I want everything and I want it now. But there is something magical about learning how to live without expectation of when things should happen. Because if you’re too busy living than the very things that you want, seem to just happen when you least expect them to - and I don’t know about you, but I LOVE IT when that happens.
7. Know your strengths. And play to them. Why do we insist on making life way more difficult than it needs to be? We’re in jobs we don’t like, enduring relationships we know aren’t right for us, and saying yes to attend events we’re not even sure sound like fun. Square peg? Round hole? Stop trying to play mind tricks on yourself and just go with what you know you’re good at and what will make you happy. As women especially, I think we’re pre-wired to want to please, which makes this lesson even more appropriate.
8. Don’t force what isn’t happening. Just be. And more importantly, be okay with that.
9. The world will in fact keep spinning (and no, it does not revolve around you). Whether you want to believe it or not, once we truly embrace the mentality that “this too shall pass”, we open ourselves up to the idea that moments were meant to be enjoyed and there is more to life than how many items are on our to-do lists, how much money is in our checking account, and that our lives won’t end because our favorite television show didn’t record correctly on the DVR. It’s true.
10. Be gentle with yourself. We only get one shot at this life… and making sure that we give ourselves enough love and support and kudos and breathing room is essential to making the most of the life we’ve got. The bonus with this one is that the more we love ourselves, the more love we have to give away. It doesn’t get any better than that.
On that note… I’m off to enjoy my relaxing night in, with my favorite pajamas, my friends on the Food Network, and a glass of delightful red wine.
Until next week…
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